


Clarity Shipping

by Electrasev5n



Series: Deja Vu and Dreams [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2129136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Electrasev5n/pseuds/Electrasev5n
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Compilation of the shipping drabbles requested over on Tumblr, though not necessarily all of them. Sorted by pairing. Essentially, these are an opportunity for me to practice writing romance, which is my weak suit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Itachi Pt 1

**Author's Note:**

> Itachi shipping bits. Really, do these even count as drabbles anymore? I possess doubt.

"Alright," said Ino in her bossiest tone, flipping her hair over her-shoulder with well manicured hands. "The first meeting of the G.I.R.L.'s club will come to order." She had to raise her voice just a little more than Aiko was comfortable with to be heard over the din of the restaurant.

"Oh." Tenten set her tea cup on the table and leaned forward in her chair. "You've decided on a name, then? What does it stand for?"

"Get Itachi Really Laid," said Karin with a sniff.

Aiko buried her face in a hand and wished she was anywhere else.

That didn't stop her cousin from going on in a painfully earnest tone. "We tried just 'Get Itachi Laid,' but the G.I.L.'s club just didn't have a good ring to it. It's not necessarily about getting him laid so much as figuring out-"

Ino nodded and interrupted, "And with that one blue Akatsuki fish-man," her voice trailed off as her face turned a bit green, "Well, we didn't need to give the boys any ideas."

Karin nodded seriously. "Right."

Tenten somehow kept a straight face, but Aiko could see the struggle. She felt oddly resentful that someone she'd thought of as her prospective ally in sanity was siding with the more flamboyant of their peers.

"Well," Tenten said, clearing her throat, "to the G.I.R.L.s club then." She lifted her tea cup and her companions followed suit, clinking the china together.

It took a moment for Aiko to overwhelm her childish stubbornness and indulge her companions by joining the toast.

Tenten paused thoughtfully before she took her drink. "I'd say it's a cause I can get behind, but really, it's a cause to get the behind, isn't it?"

Ino spit out her tea.

Karin, on the other hand, gave out a raunchy hoot. "It's our patriotic duty to get the perfect booty!" she crowed.

That was enough to make Hinata cringe. "I- I'm not certain that we should be treating this mission so lightly!" she forced out, cheeks a heated pink. "Itachi-san is a worthy opponent."

Ino pursed her lips, "See, Hinata-chan, that right there, is the type of mind-set we've got to change." Ino huffed and drug an impressively large notebook out onto the tabletop. "This," said Ino, thumping the scrapbook with a fist, "Is now our rulebook. It's a collection of almost a decade of the best seduction advice in the country."

Karin looked at her, bemused, "You've cut out portions of Icha-Icha?"

"No," Ino scowled, obviously offended. "That's just trash. My gossip magazines are so much more valuable. They're actually tested, you know."

Tenten bit her lip to keep from emitting an undignified giggle.

"I knew that," said Karin, adjusting her glasses. Her cheeks were almost as flushed as her eyes. "Just curious."

"Anyway," Ino addressed her pupils. "The first step, is to stop viewing Itachi as an opponent. That implies that that he's competing with us, and that's not the dynamic we're going for. From this point on," she gave a particularly vicious smile, "Uchiha Itachi shall be referred to only as 'The Prey.'"

Conflicted, Aiko opened her mouth and then shut it. "I like this talk of hunting him," she admitted philosophically. "But I'm less keen on the part where he gets laid. That seems like doing him a favor. We could instead do something else, like attack him with one of Naruto's chocolate pudding exploding tags." Her voice lilted up hopefully.

Ino leaned over and picked up Aiko's hand with her own, staring sincerely into her eyes. She wouldn't let the other girl jerk away. "What we do now," she began quietly, "we do not do for us." Ino raised her voice, oddly triumphant over the polite murmurs of diners. "We do it for science! For the unending pursuit of knowledge! We-"

"She tried to flirt with him and he looked past her like she was a log," Karin cut in dryly. "Now her feelings are hurt and we have to either comprehensively defeat his self-control or ascertain that he's actually not attracted to women, the only acceptable reason for passing Ino over."

_'_ _That sounds about right.'_

The blonde looked offended at the start, but was tilting her head slightly and shrugging her shoulders in partial agreement by the end. "Yeah, that's about it."

Aiko took advantage of the distraction to mumble thanks to the waitress bearing a platter for the table, and start picking out the best bits.

"Well as long as we're all starting on the same page," drawled Tenten, leaning forward and resting her chin on her intertwined fingers, "What is the plan, Oh great and fearless leader?"

 _'_ _Oo, the cantaloupe is good.'_ She glanced around to see that her friends were transfixed by whatever Ino was babbling about. No one was looking. Aiko snatched a good half of the sweet orange fruit and hid it behind her teacup.

Ino straightened, looking infuriatingly like a model with every minute movement. "We must determine what makes the best bait for the prey," she lectured.

Oh, that was rich. She swallowed a particularly large bite, sucking down fruit juice. So damn good.

"Between the five of us, we should be able to tailor any number of strategies." Ino spread her hands, smugly assured of her human management skills.

But ugh, her friends appeared to be lapping up Ino's party line. Maybe it was time to be the voice of reason.

"And exactly how are you planning on doing that?" Aiko said, before popping in another bite of the fruit dish that Ino had ordered for the entire table. Free food was free food, after all. She snorted, amused at the scenario. "Are you planning on putting him in various scenarios where he has to choose between a woman or a box of pocky?"

It didn't matter how damn cute Uchiha Itachi was, or even that he was by all accounts incredibly intelligent. He just wasn't interested in the fairer sex. Or the other sex. Or any sex at all, apparently. The only things he liked were Sasuke and sweets. So there was no point in even noticing the guy, unless the plan was for one of the girls to smother herself in dango syrup and hope like hell that Itachi would be overcome by the need to lick it off and keep lavishing attentions on the girl as a consolation prize.

Aiko blinked, startled by the turn her contemplations had taken. ' _That's not hot at all.'_ She licked her lips. ' _I wouldn't want to be covered in anything that sticky anyway.'_

Whatever, the point was that there was no point dwelling on unavailable jackasses. Uchiha Itachi was definitely unavailable.

Naturally, her friend missed the point completely.

"He likes pocky?" Ino quizzed Aiko, hastily noting that information in her book. "Actually," said Ino, sitting up again, "It's never a bad idea to start with reconnaissance. Who would be the best source of information on Itachi?"

"Sasuke," responded Aiko, only halfheartedly following the conversation. She really was mostly here for the food. Besides, it stopped Karin from pouting at her.

"And who would be the best person to get that information from Sasuke?" purred Ino, leaning forward and batting blue eyes at the red head.

Aiko froze, and wearily raised her head to meet Ino's gaze. "Hinata," she answered confidently. No way was she actually going to be foolish enough to become involved in this nightmare herself.

Hinata slowly turned to give the redhead a withering look. "Do I look like a sucker to you?" she asked very slowly, raising an eyebrow.

Aiko opened her mouth to reply-with what, she didn't know-

but was cut off by the sound of Ino's pen clicking. "Great!" The Yamanaka chirped. "Hinata-chan, thank you sooo much for volunteering."

"...Really?" Tenten asked skeptically, squinting at Ino through her fingers. "That's what we're going with?"

The blonde shrugged. "Sure, why the hell not. Maybe Itachi's type is the more traditional beauty like Hinata."

Tenten and Aiko easily filled in what was unsaid: Hinata was the traditional beauty, Ino was the stunning newcomer on the block, and that made them, what, chopped liver? Their matching unimpressed expressions could have helped them pass for sisters.

"You're forgetting something," Karin interjected, fluttering her vibrantly red lashes. "His type could be exotic, like me." Karin gave a coy little giggle. "How could any man say no?" She gave a cool smile- and Ino bristled in defense of what she saw as her designation in the group.

"Girls, girls, you're all pretty," an exasperated voice broke draped himself over Aiko's chair, beaming broadly at the group. "What's this meeting all about anyway, deciding who is going to be President of my fan club?"

_'_ _Not likely, brah.'_

Karin snorted, "I'm afraid you're stuck filling your officer positions with Konohamaru-kun and kage-bunshin."

"Naruto-kun," Hinata spoke up quickly, not wanting to give the blond a chance to get wound up, "would you happen to know where Sasuke-kun can be found this time of day?"

Naruto blinked at her and scratched at the back of his head, "The hospital? I guess that'd be where he is. Why? Do you need something?"

Hinata smiled sweetly, which Naruto should honestly have known was a sign of serious danger. "Nothing important."

"Alright," Ino sighed, not too pleased with the interruption, "nothing else is going to get done today. The assignment's been given and we'll re-evaluate next session. Adjourned."

* * *

Their next meeting occurred several days later, in Tenten's apartment.

"Sasuke-san informs me that Itachi-san enjoys his privacy, spends a great deal of his time contemplating the harshness of fate and coldness of reality, and that there's no point at all to my pursuing him, so I may as well just give up now," Hinata reported dryly.

There was a moment of quiet while most of her companions processed that and Aiko slumped comfortably on the couch, thumping her foot against the armrest.

_'_ _That's actually pretty funny. I wonder if that was all Sasuke, or if he was paraphrasing Itachi. It doesn't sound that much like Sasuke.'_

"There's a good reason why Sasuke doesn't have a fanclub anymore," Ino observed.

Karin snorted. "No, he still has one. It's enormous, actually, but composed mostly of people who have never met him outside of the hospital where he has to mostly behave. There's just something about a man who can look so serious when passing out candy to his patients that really revs up the crazy." She made a dramatic hand gesture that Aiko did not care to interpret.

"He would make beautiful babies," Tenten decided sympathetically, "but I think the rudeness outweighs his good looks, high-powered and prestigious job, independent wealth, and skills with children." She frowned thoughtfully. "Actually, now that I've said it aloud like that, never mind. It makes sense."

Ino rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, he's a hot hunk of man. But he's not why we're here." She looked glumly at Hinata. "Why'd you let him know what you were after anyway, you were supposed to be subtle!"

Hinata's eye twitched, but Karin intervened before she could toss a throw pillow at the blond.

"Never mind how she got it," said the bespectacled red-head. Karin smiled widely and gestured in a placating fashion at the group at large. She looked uncannily like a kindergarten teacher. "What's the next step in this master plan you've been bragging about?"

Ino brightened, straightening her skirt before she stood and flounced over to the easel on the corner with a sheet thrown over it. "I'm so glad you asked," she said, smiling with too much teeth, right before she ripped the bed sheet off the easel.

Aiko honestly appreciated the theatricality. Ino took her self-assigned roles seriously, even if it was a silly project. That sort of thoroughness was admirable.

The drill sergeant impression was a little less so. Aiko had seen much scarier.

"When the target is an elusive creature like Itachi-kun, what we really need is psychological warfare. The standard stuff isn't going to cut it, ladies! The target is practiced in at least falsifying immunity to physical stimuli and seduction, so what we have to do it crawl inside his head- at this point, Ino was miming prying open a skull- and find out what makes him tick."

_'_ _Like I want to see the inside of Uchiha Itachi's skull? That's just nasty.'_

"Ew," Aiko breathed, shaking her head slightly, at the same time that Karin burst out, "Brilliant!"

The redheads looked at each other with nearly identical, 'are you serious, brah,' expressions. Hinata was quietly reminded that they were in fact blood related.

"That's enough from the peanut gallery!" Ino whapped the easel imperiously, demanding attention and silence from the peons she deigned to confer with. "I have a prospective mission for one brave soul, to be undertaken before we approach the target himself. One of us is going to have to acquire a copy of the target's library history. He's always reading. The specifics of what he finds fascinating could be integral to our strategy!" Ino all but bellowed, holding one fist high. "Perhaps he's a haiku man! Or he likes historical drama!"

"Or the unfairly pretty but dull packaging really could be what's there," Aiko muttered quietly, lips twitching slightly. "Sometimes people really aren't that deep. Itachi seems like a puddle to me."

"That might be a mission for two or more brave souls," Tenten opined, apparently not hearing Aiko's mocking pessimism at all. "That's classified data. I mean, it's private, not that we're talking ANBU-level blacklining of records."

Aiko was not soothed by the speculative looks that her friends were exchanging. They weren't seriously considering this, right? It was a really bad plan.

Apparently, Tenten saw them too, because she stressed, "This isn't going to be a quick jaunt to the library. We're going to have to break in. That requires at least two people- a lookout, and someone to make the copy. That's assuming we find the records immediately. For all we know, there could be a lot to sort through. We won't be able to afford a return mission: security will increase."

 _'This is an awfully serious way to frame the discussion about breaking into a public library,'_ Aiko thought. She sank down a little further into the couch cushions, trying for invisibility. _'This isn't exactly a 007 operation here. I'm pretty sure the place is staffed by career genin.'_

Tenten scratched her chin in thought, "As much as I'd volunteer for this one, it really isn't my skill set. Karin or Hinata are best suited to be lookouts, and Ino and Aiko are probably our best at infiltration-"

Karin gave a rude snort, "When was the last time Ino set foot in a library, don't you think she'd be a little out of place on something like this?"

_'_ _Thanks, Karin. What we really need is for this to turn into a fight.'_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ino put her hands on her hips, voice low in warning.

Aiko sighed in resignation, propping herself up slightly on her elbows. "Really, this isn't that hard people." She rolled her eyes and stretched, arching her back. "Karin and I will go, I'll take Naruto for a distraction and every librarian will be so busy watching him like a hawk that I'll be able to get the records before anyone can blink." Aiko paused, absorbing the fact that she'd just volunteered to steal library records in an effort to assist her fellow kunoichi in seducing a comrade. She wilted a little bit, self-righteousness undercut by the harshness of reality. "I just want it to be noted on the record that this is one of the most ridiculous things we've ever done and I vehemently object. I get full martyr points for this when it inevitably goes south."

A hard thud against Tenten's third-story window prevented anyone from responding.

"What in the world?" Tenten strolled over to inspect the source of the sound, shoulders slumping as she took in the scene outside which greeted her. She opened the window and stuck her head outside, "Shut up you two morons, you're scaring my neighbors!"

She looked back at the girls lounging on her sofa and floor. "Speaking of your brother, Aiko, he's outside." She made a face, and wryly added, "I think he's screaming something at Lee about how I'm defiling your virtue."

Aiko groaned and collapsed against the couch cushion. He had weird priorities. Tenten just wasn't that threatening.

"How does he keep finding us?" Ino asked no one quietly, bewildered.

"That..." Aiko trailed off. "Is a very good question." She scowled. "Naruto has absolutely no tracking skills. I can sort of understand his paranoia as a motive for following us, in the way that anyone can understand Naruto," she qualified hastily before Tenten could be offended by the apparent implication that she was a maneater (womaneater?). "But I'm not understanding the _how_."

"Conspiracy," Ino said darkly. "He has help."

Tenten nearly choked on the hypocrisy there. She didn't have a chance to say a thing before the girls realized that the commotion outside had stopped- and realized what that meant.

As a group, they lunged toward the door, but were unable to secure it before-

"Dynamic entry!"

Naruto was the one who burst through the door foot-first, a glorious blaze in an orange tanktop and blue pants. He grinned, just for a moment.

From behind the other boy Lee stopped to stare, lower lip sticking out pitifully. "Naruto-san, that's my thing!" he objected.

The blond gave an awkward, throat-clearing type of chuckle. "I've always wanted to do that."

Lee slumped so sadly that Aiko was almost tempted to give him a hug. Almost. And then she remembered that once you showed needy creatures any sign of affection, they took it as an open invitation to engage in that action for the rest of your life. She settled back down again, comfortably sinking into the couch cushions.

"Naruto-kun," Ino batted her eyes at the boys, "As much as we'd love to play with you at any other time, you're interrupting G.I.R.L. time. This is always news to boys, but it's kind of an unforgivable sin."

Lee looked to be on the verge of apologizing for everything he might have possibly done wrong in his short life, but Naruto brushed past him to the center of the room.

"I was just looking for Aiko," said Naruto, "Sai said something funny this morning and I wanted to make sure she was ok." He peered at the easel in the corner of the room curiously, "What is this, a book club?"

All eyes focused on the large poster, boasting the words "PSYCHOLOGY" and several scribbled drawings of books with questions marks on them."

"Yeah, it's a book club," said Karin, trying to do her best to come across as sincere. It wasn't her best look.

"I am not familiar with these books," said Lee, picking up a book entitled "Hook, Line, and Sinker" from the coffee table.

Tenten hastily rescued it and tossed it to Hinata, who smoothly stashed it in the folds of her yukata.

"That's because they are girly romance novels, you wouldn't enjoy them," Tenten twisted Lee's arm and somehow managed to grab Naruto by the scruff of his jacket too. She ignored his yelp and barreled on."No action, no adventure, just a lot of sighing and pining and brushing hair," she bullied them out of her apartment, alternating between threatening them to never break in again and making up the most boring premises to books of which she could think on the spur of the moment. She slammed the door shut and sagged against it in relief.

"So," said Ino cheerfully, "same time next week?"

As the sounds of panicked knocking began, Aiko had the idea that it might be good to resolve this as soon as possible. "Rather earlier than that, I think," she said wryly. Then she raised her voice. "Hey, Naruto, Lee! Want to come with Karin and I on an adventure to the library?"

"I guess," came her little brother's mournful tone.

"Both of them?" Tenten mouthed, looking impressed.

"Yes!" Lee shouted cheerily. "I would be honored to accompany you ladies on such a mission! I will be glad to help you find the best books! I swear it!" The thoroughly disturbing sounds of waves crashing on a beach and a bit of inappropriate sunlight began washing under the crack in the door.

"Please stop that," Naruto moaned.

"Oh yeah, mama's going to have fun with this," Aiko said lowly. She raised her voice just enough to brag, "This is gonna be easy."

"That _will_ be an even better distraction," Karin admitted in an undertone, before flashing a toothy smile. "I'll hunt you guys down tomorrow if we discover any particularly good books, okay? I bet we'll have a lot to show you."

"Okay," Ino said a bit weakly, looking as if she wasn't sure when she'd lost control of the situation.

They met the next afternoon, at the Uzumaki house, because Karin was having difficulty navigating with her new broken leg and bright pink cast. Personally, Aiko thought she was milking the attention in order to show off all the messages from cute medic-nins and patients scribbled on her cast.

"What happened?" Ino crinkled her face in sympathetic dismay as she sank down onto a stool next to the couch.

Karin looked at her wearily from where she laid fully sprawled out on the couch, foot propped up on pillows. "We invited Lee and Naruto to a library, what do you think happened?" She sounded bitter, but she accepted the bowl of ice-cream from a doting, nurse-maid Hinata and immediately stuck the spoon in her mouth.

Tenten nodded along, as if she had fully expected this outcome.

Aiko rolled her eyes. Karin was such a drama queen. It was a hairline fracture: she'd be fine in a week. She should have known better than to let Naruto and Lee get into a challenge over who could restack the shelves quicker anyway. They'd been a little too forceful throwing the astronomy books back on the highest rows, and the bookshelves toppled over like strategically well-placed dominos. Fortunately, Karin had been the only one nearby (cheering them on) everyone else had the good sense to scatter and the librarians had long since fled to track down the nearest ANBU (or Iruka-sensei, if perhaps, the heavens had been shining on them) for help.

Big surprise, genin and civilians were no match for Lee and Naruto.

In the meantime, Aiko had more than enough time to sweep up Itachi's life history of checked out books. Someone was going to be very confused the next time that he tried to come in to borrow something. She snickered, just a little. "Lo and behold," said Aiko, lazily spanning out the documents across the tabletop, "your look into Itachi's mysterious inner psyche."

Ino snapped up the papers greedily, eyes scanning the words quickly and drawing some very obvious conclusions. "These are all," she flipped through the papers hastily to confirm her thoughts, " _The Littlest Kunoichi, The Shinobi that Could, Ninken at Noon-_ these are all children's books!"

_'_ _She doesn't have to sound so horrified. I happen to like children's books.'_

Aiko rolled her shoulders. "There are a couple on philosophy mixed in there, too."

Ino just looked more confused.

Hinata cocked her head thoughtfully, "You know, now that I think about it, I do recall Sasuke-kun saying something about Itachi-san reading to Sasuke's patients at the hospital."

"I prefer the simple explanation that this list is merely reflective of his reading level", Aiko snarked, leaning back into the squooshy chair she'd snagged. "When you hear hoofprints, it's probably horses, not zebras." She wagged her finger teasingly.

Even as she said it, she knew that wasn't an accurate assessment. She couldn't assist Ino's quest to harass him if she was letting her prejudice color her view. It was a _little_ sweet that he spent unpaid time reading to other peoples' kids. A little.

"Shut up, troll," Ino said absently. "No, I think we can use this! The philosophy stuff isn't bad either, but the children's books speak to his personality as well. It's well and good to read to kids at the hospital, but they have books there. The type of guy who goes and checks these books out- that says something about him! He's selective," Ino listed, holding up fingers as she went. "He likes variety, he's willing to go out of his way, and oh yeah- he loves kids." She waggled her eyebrows. "Maybe he wants kids?"

"Whoa there," Tenten said dryly. "I don't think any of us are going to go that far. Having kids is a bit of a commitment for your personal crusade to seduce a guy."

"I would be willing to take that kunai for the team," Karin said solemnly.

Hinata said nothing. There was a painful moment of silence as the group collectively realized just how insensitive it was to make these kinds of jokes in front of her. Ino reached over and squeezed the brunette's hand apologetically, offering a thin smile.

"Let's forget about the kids for a moment, okay? What about this stuff?" Ino pointed to a philosophical title. "This is actually pretty liberal stuff. I would have pegged the target as more conservative minded. You know, clan and country and stuff, not free will and the importance of the individual."

"Right, free will and the importance of the individual," echoed Tenten dubiously. "I still don't understand how that is going to help us accomplish our goal."

"Well," said Ino, rising to her feet and beginning to pace. "What do we know about him so far: He's private, an introvert, likes pocky, likes Sasuke, is patient enough to read to small children and is open-minded, a deep-thinker."

There was a momentary silence as every girl in the room momentarily considering acquiring a crush, and then discarded the thought for various reasons.

"So?" Aiko snorted. She wasn't quite as confident as Ino was about the end of that list of personality traits. Besides, it didn't matter that he was actually a pretty tolerable human being: there was still no evidence that he had anything resembling feelings of human attraction. "If he's even open to the idea of a relationship, which you haven't yet determined, he'll be looking for someone who appreciates those qualities and can reciprocate in conversation. But you don't even know if he prefers men or women yet, let alone if he wants-"

"You're right, Aiko, that's brilliant!" Ino squealed happily, "That's exactly what we need to do, we need to see him interact with both genders at the same time, each with comparable qualities who meet the standards we've established so far, and observe which one he exhibits a more positive response to!"

 _'That's not what I was saying at all,'_ Aiko thought, bemused. ' _Does she not even listen to what I say, or is she just immune to pessimism?'_

"What?" asked Karin around a spoonful of ice-cream.

"Hinata-chan," crooned Ino, pouncing on the girl and grabbing her hands. "How often do you see Neji-san? All we need to do is arrange for a meeting between the three of you, one that we can observe subtly and take notes, the both of you are smart and pretty and progressive." She took a deep breath and stared pleadingly as she stressed, "It's for _science_ Hinata-chan!"

Aiko honestly expected Hinata to tell Ino to jump right off a cliff, as Ino was nearly the only person there who had yet to complete a potentially embarrassing mission.

The brunette shrugged, closing her eyes. "Sure. If it's for science." She didn't even bother to extract her hands from Ino's grip.

A chill that Aiko did not entirely understand went up her spine.

"How are you going to arrange this, Ino-chan?" Hinata opened her eyes enough to regard the blonde lazily. "I'll get Neji, but you're going to have to lure the target."

"Oh, oh" Tenten waved her arm in the air excitedly, "leave this to me guys, I've totally got this!"

Ino hesitated, "Are you sure?"

Tenten nodded, "All Hinata needs to do is take Neji to go eat lunch at his favorite restaurant, I can get any-"

"You girls are so noisy!" Naruto whined. While the collected girls gaped, he gave an enormous yawn and ambled right past them into the kitchen, clad only in frog pajama pants and fluffy blue slippers.

 _'_ _When did he stop sleeping with a shirt?'_ Aiko frowned slightly. _'I bet they're just all dirty. Lazy otouto.'_

Ino made a helpless squeak sound. She appeared to have suddenly developed a sunburn.

Naturally, Naruto wasn't paying attention to anything but his quest for breakfast. He rubbed at his drooping blue eyes and grumbled fussily. "I just got in from fixing up the library at seven this morning, a guy needs his beauty sleep, you know, you can't just _storm his house to hold a book club meeting_ whenever you want." He punctuated the last statement by shutting the fridge and shaking the carton of orange juice accusingly.

Tenten covered a snort.

Aiko couldn't blame her, really. It _was_ a little sad that Naruto had bought that ploy. Hadn't he apprenticed to a spymaster?

"Tough," Karin bit out, glaring at the blond as he wandered back into her line of sight. "Walking is a pain, no thanks to you, so this made the most sense."

Naruto colored a little, looking at his cousin's cast. "Right," he coughed, holding a fist in front of his mouth. "Of course." Warily, he edged a little away from Karin.

 _'He probably wants to be out of the reach of her crutch,_ ' Aiko surmised. He was out of range in the normal sense, of course, but Karin could turn anything into a projectile weapon.

"Can I get you ladies anything?" Naruto asked a bit meekly, directing a guilty look at the vibrantly pink cast. Messy-haired and pajama-clad as he was, his sheepishness was almost painfully cute.

Though, judging by the predatory focus in Ino's eyes, her thoughts were running along different lines. Aiko narrowed her eyes at her blonde friend.

Aiko cleared her throat, "So now that everyone knows what book we're all supposed to be reading this week, I think we can leave my brother to eat his breakfast. Right?"

Tenten took the hint and headed for the door, but Aiko had to pull Ino outside by her ponytail.

* * *

Three days later, the girls convened in Aiko's apartment (after she made sure the door was securely locked and that her little brother wasn't hiding in her closet for reasons only fathomable to younger siblings).

Karin had given up playing the victim in favor of using her limited mobility to quench her curiosity, but had still secured the comfiest seat in the area and had her crutches propped against the back of the couch, in easy reach should she feel a compelling need to whack anyone over the head. She eyed the glum looking crowd curiously, "It really can't have gone that badly, can it?"

Tenten nibbled on a cookie, shrugging nonchalantly, "My part went perfectly. I told Gai-sensei that Kakashi-san had better hair than he did, and that I bet Itachi would be able to provide the best hair care tips, because he had the prettiest hair of anyone I know. Then I carefully constructed the hunt for Itachi to chase him into the restaurant where Hinata graciously allowed Itachi to take refuge at her table and Neji-kun shooed sensei off, just as predicted." Tenten looked borderline smug, "My timing was perfect."

"And Itachi felt obligated to stay for a few minutes and chat with Hinata and Neji, that wasn't a problem either," sighed Ino recalling how she'd carefully hidden across the room on the pretense of waiting for her lazy team.

T-Tenten set _Gai_ on Itachi? That was just sick and wrong.

Horrified, Aiko didn't have the brain power to shut her mouth. The conversation went on without her input.

"The problem was that Itachi is equally disinterested in men and women." Hinata looked unusually sour. "And I wasted an hour of my life that I will never get back finding out that Neji has a man-crush on the target. They're going to be training together this week, unless Itachi gathers up the nerve to abandon the manners that his mother beat into him."

 _'Hinata seems a little bitter,'_ Aiko decided. Cautiously, she scooted a little further away, in the direction where there was less likely to be venomous snakes if someone poked the dangerous subject.

"Who put a knot in your thong?" Karin asked, raising one vividly red brow. "Or are you really just that bitter that you won't be getting the hot dickings from Itachi?"

Hinata continued to uncharacteristically glower. "What part of watch Neji develop a man crush did you not understand?" She shuddered. "Do you know how traumatizing it is to watch your cousin embarrass himself like that? It just never ended."

"Maybe we're just going about this the wrong way," said Aiko, finally snapping out of her horror-induced stupor in favor of heading off the looming scuffle. "Maybe it's not that Itachi is partial to a specific gender or a type of beauty, maybe it's more like there is a certain characteristic that he finds attractive."

"What, you mean like he only likes super smart people or something," said Ino, combing her fingers through her long hair, still looking fairly put out about her own inability to pin down whether one man preferred one gender over another.

_'It would make some sense, yeah. Sasuke's that way, he'd never be interested in anyone who wasn't at least a tokubetsu jounin. I don't think Itachi cares as much about strength. But I bet Itachi is like Sasuke in that whoever he'd be attracted to would have to be able to keep up with him intellectually.'_

Aiko hesitated, not sure if she was willing to give voice to her own observations about Sasuke in front of such a mercenary crew. It was her best evidence/example for composing a theory about Itachi, but…

...No. There was no possible way for that to end well. Ino and Karin would only be offended to hear her theory that Sasuke had a hard-on for people who could kick his ass, because they didn't want to think that they were weak. Judging by the current debacle, that might end with a quest to convince Sasuke that Ino was ridiculously powerful.

(Ino didn't necessarily want Sasuke or even Itachi. But she wanted them to want her.).

"Yes," Aiko said lamely. "I bet brainiacs really get him all hot and bothered."

"Well." Tenten leaned back, slinging her arm over the back of a chair. "So we need our smartest resource, then."

Hinata emitted a sigh of relief and Karin scowled as she flipped through Ino's large book of magazine clippings.

Ino cleared her throat and raised a well-groomed eyebrow at Aiko.

And then Aiko realized _everyone_ was staring at her.

"What?" Aiko asked, straightening a bit in case she needed to make a run for it.

"I'm dumb as a post," Ino said bluntly. "Or, at least"- she flipped her hair- "everyone thinks so. Don't look so uncomfortable, I'm not deaf. You're going to have to take this job. Go find the target, and talk to him about really boring intellectual things. See if that gets him hot and bothered." She shrugged easily. "Who knows, maybe you enjoy some of the same dull academia."

Aiko made a run for it. She didn't get very far.

"Wires, Tenten?" she asked pathetically, turning her face so that her lips weren't squished into the floor. "When did you set up a wire trap?"

"About forty seconds ago," the weapons mistress said bluntly. "I'm not thick either. We all saw that coming."

 _'I never said any of them are slow,'_ Aiko thought, bewildered. _'Does everyone have some strange sort of complex?'_

"So it's agreed." Hinata brushed off the front of her pants calmly and stood. "Aiko, you'll go seduce Itachi with big words. Maybe some really geeky fuinjutsu talk will seal the deal. It couldn't possibly be any duller than what I endured."

"No," she said in a small voice. She was a little distracted by the wire criss-crossing her shins and—how had Tenten gotten her wrists together?

The loosest bounds were the ones that crossed her ribs in an X— craning her head was enough to show that the loose ends behind her back trailed off to the point where they eventually wrapped around Tenten's fingers. The brunette gave a mocking little wave, smiling.

"Yes," Karin countered without looking up from her glossy magazine. "Be a team player, Aiko. Don't worry. Tenten'll help set this up."

"I will?" the brunette asked, turning inquisitively.

"Yeah, it would be a bad idea to prematurely release Aiko. She'd run off." Ino leaned over and tugged the sides of Aiko's mouth up into a smile. "Grumpy."

Aiko's hissed response was cut-off by the front door opening.

"I told you they'd all be here, see," said Naruto, beaming at his companion, standing tall and silent by his side.

That really raised more questions than it answered.

"She locked that; I saw her do it!" Ino screeched, pointing an accusatory hand at the blond male in the doorway. She let it fall to her side and she slid to the couch in shock when she finally registered who was accompanying him.

Aiko blinked at the two familiar pairs of shoes and wiggled onto her back so she could look up at her little brother and Itachi. "Hello," she greeted the pair.

Naruto looked down at her nonplussed, "I have no idea why she's wrapped up in wire, but now that I've helped you find them, I'm out. The last time I stayed to help them I got banned from the library for life." He slapped Itachi's shoulder in what was probably meant to be a friendly gesture, but which caused Itachi to wince all the same.

"Ahh," said Itachi, peering into Aiko's apartment and the (mostly) gobsmacked collection of girls cautiously. "I was told this is where the book club was meeting, may I join you?"

Karin pointed to the empty chair while Ino mumbled something unintelligible and Hinata made herself scarce on the pretense of getting tea.

"Huh," said Tenten, as Itachi sat stiffly.

Aiko worked on getting herself out of Tenten's wire trap. She had to give props to the girl, it was better than what Aiko herself could have come up with on the spur of the moment, and she was ANBU. It was stupidly hard to compose a trap that wouldn't actually harm a struggling ally, so this really was an impressive bit of work. Tenten probably had a bright future ahead of her in some completely terrifying or kinky subfield that Aiko didn't want to contemplate too deeply.

She did manage to get back into a sitting position with her legs folded underneath her body, which helped her feel a little more dignified. She blew a stray bang out of her face, unintentionally attracting Itachi's attention.

"What are you reading this week?" He asked politely, clasping his hands in his lap. The man was hilariously out of place in Aiko's living room, surrounded by teenage girls and plates of baked goods.

"Totoro!" Ino blurted out, causing all heads to turn toward her. "Aiko wrote it," she squeaked unbecomingly, pointing back at the red head.

There was a short pause during which Aiko felt very self-conscious.

 _'Ridiculous,'_ she told herself, trying to pump up her self confidence. ' _There's nothing to be nervous about. I'm just sitting here on the floor in a fake book meeting, about to attempt to trick the genius that I've been volunteered to seduce with a show of intelligence.'_

Oh. Actually, there was a lot to feel trepidation about. Oh, god. She was probably going to have to become a missing nin in order to live down this fiasco.

"Really?" Itachi prodded, managing to sound politely interested and not at all skeptical. She suddenly hated him, even as she admired his ability to sidestep what everyone had to be thinking.

"Yes," she said stiffly. "That one is Ino's favorite. I would offer to fetch you a copy..." Aiko trailed off, trying very hard to think of a way to finish her statement without a pun about being 'tied up'. She did not find one.

"I'll get that." Tenten bustled away, looking unduly relieved. The wire she'd still been holding went loose, but the trap she'd constructed was still sturdy.

Itachi looked mildly concerned, and perhaps a bit uncomfortable. "Would you like some help?" he asked delicately, clearly looking at the reddening skin around her wrists and the unintentionally ladylike way that she had to arch her back to accommodate the fact that her hands were behind her back.

"No, she's fine," Ino waved his concerns off. "Don't worry." Aiko, who had opened her mouth hopefully, shut it and looked down at her knees. "Aiko, why don't you run through a synopsis? We've already talked about the book we just finished," the blonde lied easily. "So you came at the perfect time!"

"Actually," Karin coughed, shuffling her crutch against the floor. "I'm so anxious to get started, that I think Hinata and I should go home to start right now. Aiko, why don't you and Itachi-san read together? You're both so intelligent," she stressed unsubtly, "that I'm sure it won't take long at all."

_'_ _Kill me now.'_

Aiko buried her face in her knees (or as close as she could manage while tied in wire) and wished for a hole in the ground to open up and swallow her.

Itachi seemed confused, but willing to roll with the situation when Tenten handed him a dogeared copy of the first edition and muttered something about not wanting to leave Gai and Lee waiting for her in a training session.

Itachi did go paler than usual upon hearing that. "Yes, we wouldn't want Gai-san to come looking for you," he agreed uncomfortably.

Hatefully, Aiko wished that Gai would find him. She didn't know how, but this was his fault.

"You know," Ino paused before she followed the other girls out, "Aiko-chan is quite the writer, if you like that one, you should ask her about her other books. I'm sure she'd be happy to let you read some of them. She hasn't published them all yet, either. As her manager, I'd love it if another critical eye looked over some of those before we sent those in to be published."

 _Traitor._ Just because he liked children's books and she wrote children's books didn't mean that it made sense to leave them together, or share that information.

"So," Itachi blinked disbelievingly at what was, indisputably, a published children's book in his hand, "you would be Luna Moon, then?"

Aiko refused to look up from the floor. It was going to open up and swallow her at any moment, she just knew it. She didn't usually bet on the power of positive thinking, but right now seemed like an excellent time to start.

"It's an unusual pen name, was there a reason why you chose it?" Asked the normally taciturn Uchiha, casually flipping through the pages and skimming the storyline.

Why was he so chatty? It really wasn't that interesting.

"It..." Aiko trailed off, feeling a bit silly name now that she had to explain it to someone, "Ino insisted I pick one, so I just picked a name that meant moon in two languages."

Itachi gazed at her consideringly, as if finding some deep meaning in Aiko's brief explanation. There really wasn't anything deep there. It was a really dumb joke that no one else would get.

"Luna means moon in another language then? Would that be the language you made up to entertain your brother?"

Aiko stiffened. She wasn't going to talk about that. It wasn't any of his business. Besides, it was totally not made up.

The barest traces of a smile ghosted across Itachi's features and he ducked his head to hide his expression by examining the book again. "I had the pleasure of reading Spirited Away by this author, not too long ago. I found it quite enchanting."

She didn't give two fu-oh, _oh no._ Did Uchiha Itachi just say something Aiko did was _enchanting_? Aiko wasn't blushing. She wasn't. It was no big deal, she'd just translated and wrote it down. There was no reason to be embarrassed, just because he found it interesting.

"And I suppose the illustrator, Sai, would be that strange sometimes teammate of yours. It is refreshing to see the ninja of Konoha expressing themselves so successfully through words and art, instead of through brutality of battle."

_'This is the most awkward thing that has ever happened to anyone. At this moment, I would very much prefer the brutality of battle.'_

"Thank you," Aiko said awkwardly. She curled her toes, scraping softly against the hardwood floor. Her legs were going numb, and her arms weren't much better. Tenten was a terrible person, but a professional trapmaker.

Itachi paused, perhaps divining that she was uncomfortable.

"Would you like assistance?"

She genuinely had to consider it.

On one hand, she really did want to get up and regain some small amount of her dignity. On the other, she was beginning to feel strange about the prospect of being in a confined space with Itachi and having him touch her would probably only make things worse.

Then again on that third hand that she didn't have, if he didn't untie her, who would? It could be a long time until someone came to visit. She had stuff to do.

"Yes, please," Aiko admitted lowly. "My legs are going to sleep."

Tenten was perhaps a little too enthusiastic with her restraints. Perhaps Naruto was onto something with his suspicions about her supposedly predatory nature.

Itachi knelt on the floor behind Aiko and gently began to tug at the restraining wires binding Aiko's hands behind her back.

Aiko forced herself not to fidget, his fingers were cold. "Just go ahead and slice them with a kunai, that's probably the easiest way to get through them," she allowed grudgingly. It wasn't like she cared about returning Tenten's tools of evil.

"I didn't want to take the liberty of unsheathing a blade behind your back," murmured Itachi. "Are you certain that you would not be uncomfortable?"

The unsaid, 'because I did brutally attack you at least once so it's understandable if you're a bit skittish about trusting me' hung heavy in the air around them.

"It's fine." Aiko was humiliated and grumpy and just wanted this day to be over. And for Itachi to get her out of this wire trap before something else ridiculous happened, like Sasuke walking in on Itachi and Aiko with Aiko bound on the floor like the cover of one of her godfather's novels. Considering her luck lately-

The pressure on her hands released and she snapped them forward, rubbing her irritated wrists in relief. "Thanks," she said absently, levering forward to get to her feet, shins still awkwardly together. Still kneeling, Itachi made quick work of the less reinforced wire around her legs.

Thankfully, Itachi rose the instant he was done and surprised her by pulling one of her wrists forward to examine the red skin. He made a soft 'hn' from his throat. "If you allow me, I have enough skill to soothe this."

"Really, it's fine," Aiko tried to pull away, feeling awkward and wanting nothing more than to escape as quickly as possible. The look in Itachi's dark eyes made her pause. Not because she cared about what he thought, or that they were filled with emotion or anything. No. They were pretty, that was all. Aiko could like things that were pretty.

"Please," he said simply, "I seldom have the opportunity and the capability to fix something."

Aiko grit her teeth and let Itachi apply a minor healing jutsu on her wrists.

She wasn't usually one to talk to fill the air, but his presence so very near was making her feel a bit nervous. At least the healing was going quickly. That was a bit of a marvel, actually. It took only about a minute and a half for him to soothe the friction marks on her right forearm.

"Been working on your healing jutsu lately?" she asked. Instantly, Aiko regretted the smalltalk.

_'Brilliant. Reference the hack-job he did of healing you after Konan beat you up. There's nothing at all awkward attached to that.'_

Itachi nodded slightly, dark eyes still fixed on her wrist. His thumb delicately brushed against the underside of her palm as he turned her left hand over to examine the thin skin over her veins. She swallowed, pulse picking up.

"Sasuke has been kind enough to give me pointers." He sounded as proud as he did amused.

"Probably come full circle then," Aiko murmured, wishing that her fingers would stop trembling. Or that she could stop babbling, that would be great, thanks. "Getting tutored by your little brother, I mean. I'd ask what that was like, but I already made the tactical error of asking Naruto to teach me Rasengan."

"How did that go?" Itachi asked idly. His fingers traced a cool line over the underside of her wrist, the pads of his fingers glowing a subtle teal. She swallowed, hard.

Finding words took a moment. "I'm pants at it," she admitted. "No talent at all, I'm afraid. He's the ninjutsu genius of the family."

"I've grown weary of learning ninjutsu," Itachi confessed. "I've found other pursuits which are more rewarding."

"Oh?" Aiko asked, morbidly curious, but trying to be polite to someone who had the power to snap the wrist he was holding before she could blink.

"Studying healing," mused the man as he finished his healing, gently turning Aiko's wrists to review his work. "Studying books." He raised his eyes to meet hers.

Aiko froze, tense and anxious for some unknown reason.

"Studying their authors," he drawled smoothly, in a deep voice that made Aiko's knees weak.

_'_ _That was smooth. I didn't know he could do smooth'_

She fumbled for the nearest Hirashin seal and tugged, hard.

* * *

"You don't understand," Aiko tried to appeal once more to her female companions. "I don't want this, I never wanted this. I was in this group because there were free snacks and I like watching you guys be silly and it was funny to poke at a guy I don't get along with." She took a deep breath, tugging at her hair anxiously.

Ino and Tenten looked spectacularly unimpressed, though Karin was softening a bit.

Pathetically, Aiko wasn't even making a ploy for pity. Her eyes were welling up in a surprisingly embarrassing way. "He thinks I, I don't know, he think I'm some sort of _independent spirit_ from the books I've written, (she grimaced) but really, I've come to terms with the fact that I was coerced into a military career years before I was emotionally and mentally capable of making that decision and forced to become a part of a violent caste system that kills people for a living."

Aiko realized she'd been tugging at her hair in frustration, and clasped her hands in front of her, setting them in her lap. "Help me, please god. I don't know what to do about this." She looked beseechingly at the other girls. "Maybe he'll just forget if I hide under the bed for a few weeks?"

That wasn't her worst plan, really. It could work. It wasn't like Itachi had any history of being really, really persistent or willing to dedicate himself to… oh.

"That's pathetic," Ino said flatly, even as Tenten began talking.

"Wow," the brunette drawled, "tell us how you really feel."

Hinata and Karin shared a look, one which must have communicated something. Aiko had apparently missed the day in the academy on what that particular female nonverbal gesture meant. It didn't make her feel particularly hopeful, though.

"Right," Ino cleared her throat and clapped her hands together. "New group goal, or rather, we're back to the original goal, but we're taking a new approach. We are now the 'G.I.R.L. B.A.,' the Girls Book Association, if Naruto asks, but really, it stands for 'Get Itachi Really Laid by Aiko.' All in favor of the name change," Ino asked imperiously. All but one hand raised in response to her query.

In other words, you're on your own, sister, and the sarcasm was free of charge. Ino was totally not holding any sort of grudge at all about being passed over.

"Fine," Aiko said stiffly, with all the dignity she could muster.

Then she fled to go hide with Naruto. Hopefully she could get those over-protective 'my sister can't have a love life' tendencies to work in her favor for once.

"Itachi hit on you?" Naruto repeated, thunderstruck. "Just- how? Why?" He jerked his hands around palm-up, not quite making any hand motion she could recognize.

_'At least someone understands that this is a national tragedy.'_

"Emphasis on the why," Sasuke added, the side of his mouth curling up just a little.

"Never mind the details. But this is bad, right?" Aiko leaned forward, arms around her knees.

She was not encouraged when the boys turned and exchanged a long, speculative look.

"I don't know about bad," Sasuke repeated carefully, dark eyes narrowed slightly at his blonde friend. Naruto nodded slowly in response, ducking his head to the side slightly.

"Yeah, it's not a disaster or anything."

"It is so a disaster!" Aiko whined, voice pitching up in her panic. "He was all chivalrous and saying nice things and-"

That was the point where she devolved into wordless whining, with her face screwed up and pointed to the ceiling.

Sasuke's hand collided with the back of her head with just a little too much force to be gentle, knocking her face forward into her knees.

"Oh no, a boy was nice to you," he summed bluntly. "We'll alert the Hokage immediately."

"Jiraiya too," Naruto said solemnly. "I hear he'd know how to fix this."

"W-what?" She stared. "How would he help?"

Naruto giggled. "He'd help with the bow-chicka-wow-wowww," he sing-songed, nudging Sasuke with his elbow.

Sasuke, supreme master of the eye roll, exercised his skill and, in conjunction, punched Naruto in the shoulder so hard that the blonde gave an indignant squawk and toppled over.

"Look, Aiko," said the brunette, "I'm sure it's just a," Sasuke's face twisted in distaste, "phase. Or something." Sasuke shook his head. "He's said two words to you, you're blowing it out of proportion."

"Yeah," snickered Naruto, "He told you he liked your books, you've just gotta learn to take a compliment, it's not anything more than that."

Sasuke opened his mouth and then snapped it shut, giving Aiko a look that implied he believed her, but wasn't inclined to burst Naruto's delusional 'no-one-fancies-my-sister' bubble. "Just give it a week, I'm sure it will be fine," said Sasuke.

Aiko gave it a week. She went out the next day in her usual tank top and shorts to pick up a mission from the mission desk and Itachi cornered her and draped a jacket over her shoulders while she gaped stupidly because "you must be cold." Shizune and Iruka politely hid the amusement behind their hands, but Aiko beat a quick retreat, face burning.

She kept the jacket though. It was new and sturdy, high quality-it'd be useful, eventually. That was the only reason. Besides, it was just her size, and by some accident he'd gotten it in a shade of green that contrasted prettily against her hair.

* * *

She went jogging that afternoon, and summoned her ninken in an attempt at a preventative measure. Hōseki was so grumpy that almost no one wanted anything to do with her. Itachi found her anyway and braved the mean doge. And he brought bones.

"He's not entirely awful," sniffed Hōseki, gnawing at her present with abandon when they took a brief rest stop in a training field, "For one who smells of cats, that is."

"Traitors," muttered Aiko, watching Mitsuo gleefully rolling on his back in the grass as Itachi obligingly scratched the dog's belly.

There was a homemade bento outside her apartment door the following morning with a note on top. Aiko burned the note and fed the bento to Sasuke and Naruto. Naruto ate them without thought. Sasuke paused mid bite and then looked at the food and back to Aiko suspiciously.

"I think I recognize this," he said slowly, holding up a rice ball.

She glowered, unhappy to be found out. "Oh, fine. It's part of _that man's_ campaign. I don't want this," said Aiko, throwing her arms wide to try and encompass all the gestures that Itachi had been making.

"Wait it out?" Sasuke suggested hopefully.

* * *

"L-look!" she started, making a fist. "This is getting ridiculous. I don't need this kind of help."

Itachi cocked his head to the side in thought as he carried home her groceries that night. (It was not a cute look.) His brows scrunched. "I apologize. May I train with you then?"

(Ok, Aiko lied, it was totally a cute look. It was even cuter when he looked like he was lost and had no idea what to do in response to the situation).

She flushed. That had not gone as planned.

"I have to sharpen my weapons and I'm late for a meeting with Sasuke ok bye," is what came out of Aiko in a rush before she flashed away, leaving her befuddled escort in the middle of the street holding her grocery bags.

* * *

"You can't hide in here forever," said Sasuke, as he stuck some strange looking flashlight in an eight-year old's mouth. Buggy little eyes zipped towards Aiko, but the little boy didn't say a thing. Perhaps he sensed danger.

"I can until you help me," hissed Aiko defensively.

Sasuke sighed, "He's not actually done anything to hurt you. I have it on pretty good authority that he'd just throwing presents at you, trying to figure out what you like."

Sasuke finished his examination and handed the kid a lollipop before shooing him out of the room. "You know, if you really want nothing to do with him, you could just tell him no. If you did, I'm sure he'd respect it and back off. Or I guess I could talk to him if that is how you felt," Sasuke added grudgingly.

She took a moment to appreciate him. It probably went against his personal creed to offer help in anything that would require talking to another human being.

Aiko opened her mouth to say, 'oh yes please,' and then found it closing again, all of its own accord. An embarrassed flush began to spread across her face. It's only because he's so pretty, she told herself.

"Oh my god," said Sasuke flatly, "you like my brother." He sounded pained. "You two are the most socially incompetent people in the world," he hissed through gritted teeth, glaring at Aiko as if this was all her fault. "You can deal with it yourself then," he stalked to the door, "I'm not getting involved-"

The door swung open and there was Ino, the largest, most obnoxious assortment of flowers Aiko had ever seen carefully balanced on her hips. Ino was clearly trying not to laugh, "He didn't know what you liked, so he ordered one of everything."

Sasuke and Aiko looked on in mutual shock and horror, frozen for a few moments. The arrangement was truly hideous.

"He sent you new kunai too," added Ino cheerfully, tossing the box at Aiko.

Aiko caught it reflexively, the action bringing Sasuke to his senses.

Ino cleared her throat, "and now I'll recite the poem he wrote-"

Sasuke slammed the door in her face.

Aiko blinked at him, as if to say, 'see?'

"I'll talk to him." Sasuke said weakly, shoulders slumping.

* * *

Aiko was not in the least surprised to walk out to the training grounds and discover that someone was already waiting.

"I hear that my gesture yesterday could have been better-received."

She shrugged uncomfortably. "The flowers were a bit- No," she corrected. "They were way too much. Please never do that again."

"Noted," Itachi acknowledged uncomfortably. "Yamanaka-san also informed me that she did not have the opportunity to convey my written sentiments." He cleared his throat stiffly. "I admit I lack your talent for creative expression, though I admire the ability. Perhaps it was for the best."

"Feelings give me hives," Aiko said weakly. She reached into her thigh holster and pulled out one extraordinarily sharp kunai. "I did like these?" She waved it a little, letting the morning light glint off of it.

Itachi gave a wry smile. "I am glad. Yamanaka-san conveyed a rather amusing anecdote about a kimono shopping incident that inspired me to include weaponry in the gifts."

"They were a good addition," she acknowledged. "I, uh... Well. I don't need presents, you know." Aiko looked determinedly down at her feet. "They're nice and all."

"So," Itachi summoned up. "You do not wish for there to be any discussion of sentiment, and presents are not satisfactory on their own."

"Well," Aiko prevaricated, licking her lips. "I can understand that humans possess emotions, and we are of course human. So we have those. And there's not much we can do about it. But maybe we could communicate through artful metaphor and meaningful silence, interspersed with brief and quickly-forgotten displays of soft, geisha-like feeling."

The beginnings of a smile tugged at the corner of Itachi's lips, "I suppose I can accommodate that request."

"Right," drawled Aiko, "listen, it's not that I'm completely adverse to the idea of," she gestured between them, "It's just, I don't really understand why." She tugged nervously on her ponytail, "think you can explain yourself, without the poetry, preferably?"

Itachi looked at her thoughtfully, "you won't run if I try to tell you?" He looked skeptical, "You might classify it as sentimental."

Aiko narrowed her eyes, "I'll give you thirty seconds. Choose your words wisely and we'll never speak of it again." She crossed her arms.

A flicker of amusement flashed across Itachi's face before he grew serious, "I walked through your mind once."

Aiko stiffened, but remembered her promise.

' _There you go_ ,' Aiko thought sarcastically. _'Make me think of our first meeting, the beginning of a love-story written in the fucking stars. Good job Romeo.'_

"I've been led to understand that's an inaccurate description of Tsukyomi," she said stiffly. "So I assume that you're using hyperbole." Of course, she didn't remember it.

Judging by the look on Itachi's face, he hadn't expected that response. She felt oddly resentful about that. Clearly, he hadn't had to linger on the encounter the way that she had.

"I don't remember the experience," Aiko clarified. "So I'll have to take your word for it."

"I asked for information about my brother," Itachi said, lowering his gaze to the ground. "I believe you threw everything in your head at me but that which I asked for. You risked your sanity to protect that information with a level of creativity that I mistook at the time for… something else entirely," he added, ducking his head ever so slightly. Itachi cleared his throat. "I was confused by your decision at the time, but looking back, with what I know now, with what I keep learning, I can honestly say that you have one of the strongest, most beautiful minds I've ever seen. And I'd like the opportunity to learn more aboutit."

In the awkward silence that followed, Itachi seemed to realize that his words could be misinterpreted as a threat, "the traditional way, I mean." His brows furrowed in honest confusion, "Although I'm apparently quite terrible at traditional, according to Sasuke."

Aiko inspected her feet studiously. "That may be one of the cheesiest things I've ever heard," she finally admitted.

"Also, I would have to agree with Sasuke. Tradition is not helping you here, although that may be as much my fault as it is yours."

Itachi licked his lips. She wondered if he was intentionally working to use more facial movements than usual.

"I don't know about fault," he said slowly.

She waved his words off, determined to eke out something human. "Whatever. Not relevant. The point is, I guess that's flattering, and I choose to interpret it in a less creepy manner than the way in which you delivered it."

He looked a little thankful.

"I don't know about having a beautiful mind or whatever," Aiko began uncomfortably. "But I can admit that I also find you a little interesting. A bit. Although I would like to smack you in the face a few times so that we can be even." She paused thoughtfully. "Maybe more than a few times. I might have to break you a few times, actually."

Itachi shifted his weight from foot to foot, trepidation crossing his face.

_'Ah. Maybe be a little less candid about that. Although I will get my own eventually.'_

"R-right, that's talk for later." She rubbed the back of her neck. "I was saying that I do find you attractive, in the physical and maybe in the mental sense. And I maybe have a bit of a thing for guys who can do really impressive ninjutsu tricks, so it's a bit of a shame that you're taking a hiatus from that. So we could maybe get to know each other a little sparring today, and then after I've sucked you dry of pretty tricks, you can take me for coffee. And we'll talk," she added awkwardly.

Itachi seemed to relax a bit, now that he understood the rules of the game. "If you insist, I imagine I have one or two 'impressive tricks' you might find entertaining."

"Oh good," said Aiko, relaxing as well. It was a relief to sense that they'd finally completely abandoned the dangerous talks about their feelings.

"You do realize that most of my 'tricks' are genjutsu based?" Itachi looked at Aiko pleasantly.

_'_ _I guess I knew that, yeah.'_

"Yes?" Aiko wondered what that had to do with anything.

"Then I think you'll understand when I say 'I win' this round and I expect you to keep to your promise about coffee and meet me at your favorite coffee shop."

"What?" Aiko blinked, and then everything in front of her just, dissolved, for lack of a better word, and Itachi was suddenly very much not present.

It took a long moment of silent contemplation to put events into some sort of order.

 _'_ _That shitbird,'_ she realized. _'He's worse than I am. He's so cripplingly awkward that… Have I been talking to a genjutsu this entire time? Was he even here? Did he just switch when 'feelings' came into the discussion?'_

Slowly, she smiled.

_'_ _I had no idea he had a sense of humor. It's not winning if we weren't competing at the time. Now we're competing.'_

Just in case he was still there, she said in a quite normal tone, "It's cute how you think I'm going to let you win anything. But I'll let you buy coffee after I'm done practicing."

 _'_ _The most expensive coffee I can find._ ' She paused. _'No, it'll probably be hot chocolate, with the whipped topping and chocolate shavings on top. Yes, good plan.'_

Yeah, she decided, tying her hair up so that it didn't get in her way while she worked out. This was okay. She could work with this.


	2. Kakashi

DRABBLE ONE

“Hatake Kakashi? You’re to report to the Hokage’s office.” The Chuunin shifted on his feet, attempting to maintain professionalism. Honestly, he hadn’t expected to actually find the fucker. That was sort of Hatake’s thing. If the man actually went to Tsunade-sama now, she probably wouldn’t actually be ready to see him for another three hours. And the child-sized plastic waiting room chairs were probably a war crime of some sort. The Mizukage had said so, rather famously.

On the other hand, waiting in horrible chairs sounded a lot more like Hatake’s problem than his.

The logic seemed internally sound, though Hatake might disagree, judging by the way that the older man was not moving. Well, too bad. He hadn’t exactly been easy to find, but taking a nap in the sun out on training field eight didn’t exactly allow the kind of maneuverability needed to elude Tsunade’s messengers for long.

A sleepy groan cut the air. Hatake gave a little huff and levered up onto his elbow, one hand moving up to pat his hair into some half-assed approximation of order. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

“No,” the second voice disagreed. A slim arm snaked around Hatake’s blue clad waist in an attempt to pin him to the ground.

“I’m pretty sure that I have to, unless Chuunin-san is willing to pretend that he hasn’t found me,” Hatake said dryly. But damn it, there was a question in the slight lilt of his words.

Mori shook his head sternly. No, damnit. He’d done his job, and now Hatake had to do his.

Hatake sat up enough that Mori could see that the girl on the other side of him was that little redhead who was always around the office. Against his will, his eyebrows shot up. She was cute, but wasn’t she a little young for-

That was not a productive area of contemplation. Mori tactfully cut off his thoughts before he ended up opening his mouth and ended up getting kicked around by grumpy Jounin.

“Fucker,” the girl mumbled.

_‘Very grumpy Jounin.’_

Hatake feigned hurt, but she didn’t buy into it. He leaned over to the little pile of fabric at their feet—their hitai-ites, Mori realized. Sure enough, Hatake turned just enough that it was possible to see that the top half of his face was uncovered, though the one scarred eye was pressed shut.

“That’s mine,” came the unenthusiastic protest as Hatake tied a band around his forehead.

The redhead was blocked from sight when Hatake leaned over and said something soft to her—he might have heard something about having a reason to come back. That was sickeningly cute.

Mori looked away a little uncomfortably.

“Chuunin-san, I’m going to report. Do you think we could have a moment?”

He hesitated. He didn’t want to report that he’d found Hatake and then not bring the man in, but on the other hand-

“Finally,” Aiko sighed, readjusting from her side to her back now that her pillow was sitting up. “Do you have to go?”

(She knew perfectly well that she was whining, but if it worked, who cared?)

Her eyes were closed against the bright midday light that colored her world peach through her eyelids, but she was always hyperaware of his movements. So when Kakashi gently touched the tip of his nose to hers, her hand was already curling up to rest in the ruff of hair at the nape of his neck.

“I suppose that we could become missing ninja and run to Grass,” he mused. “But that might be even more work than taking an hour to go see Tsunade.”

Aiko tried very hard not to let herself smile and to keep her tone firm. “One hour?”

“Tops,” Kakashi promised seriously, voice still low with sleep.

To seal the deal, she arched her neck up and tapped a chaste kiss against his covered lips. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me here to nap alone,” Aiko grumbled, despite having given up. It was just teasing, anyway. “Another woman calls and off you run.”

His answer to that patently ridiculous accusation was slightly amused. “Tsunade-sama’s summon is a siren call, but I would never dare to make you nap alone.” She opened her eyes just in time to see him push his palm into the ground—and then there were dogs everywhere, glorious dogs.

“That’s a better plan,” Aiko admitted, disentangling her fingers from his hair to reach an arm out towards a hound. Bull leaned into her touch, tail already wagging. “You can go now.”

Pakkun snorted at the abrupt dismissal, one little leg thumping the ground as he scratched at an ear. “You called us to snuggle, boss?”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” Pouting at how quickly the warm void he’d left on the grass had been filled by squirming dogs, Kakashi gave one last longing sigh at naps lost and shunshined away. The sooner he got this over with, the better. It was far too nice of a day to waste in the Hokage’s tower.

* * *

 

DRABBLE TWO

“So, this is like a thing now?” Naruto squinted in disbelief, hand cupped over his eyes.

Aiko looked up from the couch, where she was half-seated. She couldn’t really be said to be seated entirely on the couch, when the fact that her legs were stretched out over Kakashi’s lap was taken into consideration.

She wasn’t terribly impressed by her otouto’s skepticism. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kakashi heaved a beleaguered sigh at being ignored while the blond rudely pointed.

“ _That_ ,” Naruto said firmly. “Don’t tell me that’s par for the course, Aiko. I’m not stupid.” He raised one eyebrow, apparently determined to wrangle a confession about her love life. “You don’t use just anyone as a leg rest.”

“Use as a leg rest,” Kakashi repeated under his breath. “Your estimation of my value is thrilling, Naruto. Maybe I’ll work up to a pillow in a few years. Or a paperweight.”

No one paid him any attention.

“I’m not seeing your point,” Aiko sighed. She let the kunai she’d been sharpening fall to rest on her lap and fixed a weary look on Naruto.

He stared at her in mild disbelief for a moment. “You’re doing this all wrong,” Naruto groaned, shaking his head. “You’re not supposed to act like a boring old married couple until you’ve been together for years. At this point, you should be sneaking around, or doing sickeningly cute things like feeding each other ice cream and cake.”

Kakashi and Aiko made revolted faces in unison.

“I can feed myself, thanks,” Kakashi said, before Aiko cut in with,

“Why would we sneak around? We’re adults.”

“It’s the principle of the thing!” Naruto hissed, throwing his hands up in disgust. “I can’t believe this crap. I had a speech and everything. You two are no fun at all. I’m going to set Ino on you.”

As the door slammed behind Naruto, Aiko slowly shook her head. “He gets weirder every day.”

Kakashi, who had been reading until Naruto wandered past them, gave her a considering look. “Are we really supposed to be feeding each other ice cream?”

“Try it, and I’ll bite your fingers off.”

“Kinky.” He paused thoughtfully for a moment. “Too kinky.”


End file.
